On my 40th birthday in October, I sat down and began to think back on life so far – something about a milestone birthday will make one do that. In the last ten years, and especially the last three or so since entrepreneurial events restarted post-corona, I’ve made a ton of progress forging a career for myself in a field that I didn’t even know existed two decades ago, when I was an undergraduate student going through the things my students currently face. I try to teach my students that things don’t always go the way you plan, and that the best personal journeys have dozens, if not hundreds of twists and turns along the way.
I started to write down a handful of nuggets of wisdom on my birthday, and then continued writing – I wanted to publish this list in November, but I kept thinking of things to add. Since we’re past Thanksgiving, this is usually the time I start putting together my year-end blog posts: one that reviews that highlights of the year, and the other that makes some predictions for the coming year. The list I created doesn’t really fit either of those themes, and I’m still putting together those posts. Really, one of my favorite things to do during the holiday season each year is to put together the year in review post, and this year has been amazing. Stay tuned for that post at the end of the month.
Like I said before, the best personal journeys have all sorts of unexpected twists and turns along the way. Even if you’re striving for the same goal as others, your pathway there is going to be vastly different than any other person, so comparing what you are doing to others is like comparing apples to cantaloupes. The only person you’re truly competing against is yourself, and if your journey is progressing forward, you’re winning the day. When I discuss this with my students, I reference the book The Messy Middle, which talks about the ups and downs that we all face, and the grit and determination you need to have in order to survive the valleys between each of the peaks. Your journey will never be a straight line, up and to the right. Appreciate the good days because that will make the bad days seem less terrible.
It’s also acceptable not to worry about things that don’t involve you. There are only 24 hours in a day, and if you spend the majority of that time focused on others’ problems, you won’t move forward. I get my best work done when I’m able to disconnect from others – an incredibly difficult task when I have a building full of students asking questions and a wife and two daughters who need my attention in the evening. I try to take one large social media fast each year, for two weeks or more. I did this in both 2021 and 2022 and was able to finish large video projects both years. This year, I disconnected somewhat in August after the conclusion of the Summer Track program and used the time not to work on video projects but to catch up on some reading and spend time with the kids before they went back to school.
I recommend a two-week social media break for everyone each year. I don’t post all that often, but I doom scroll way too much. I plan to start tracking how much time I waste on social media – if I had to guess, I’m probably spending more than 5 hours per week scrolling through garbage. Social media is about 10% blessing and 90% curse – it’s not completely awful because you can stay connected with people you’ve known your entire life, but it can be completely awful when social media helps you peel the onion to remind you how obnoxious people you’ve known your entire life can be.
If the last few years have shown us anything, it’s that most of the people you know are mental dead weight who contribute nothing to your journey forward. At most, there are maybe a couple dozen people who are really rooting for you to succeed. Likes on social media platforms tell you nothing; empty dopamine rushes for empty people who need validation from other empty people. 2020 was the pinnacle of emptiness and was the prompt for me to start taking a social media fast each year. The Summer of Stupid showed us who the dead weight was, and most of the trash took itself out.
Honestly, the Summer of Stupid was a major turning point for my outlook on life and my career. That was the time when I realized that trying to please everyone was a losing battle, and sticking to your core beliefs is the best thing you can do to move your career forward. When I dialed up the snark to 11 that year, I may have shed a few “followers,” but I gained peace of mind and a large increase in work and income. I took the concept of “be the change you want to see in the world” and actually made a positive impact, unlike the social media warriors with the emoji flags and multi-colored fists.
Over the course of the last twenty years, but especially the few years, I’ve really stood by the concept that you are the company that you keep. A person is only as good as the five people surrounding him or her. I realized that there were a number of times in my life where I’ve been dragged down by my five, and there have probably been times where I’ve been the weakest link. One of the tidbits of advice I give my students is to examine the people with whom they spend the most time. Yeah, it’s fun to hang out with fun people, and you should have fun in college. However, now is the best time of any to start finding those people who challenge you to be better than you currently are.
One of the bandages ripped off during the Summer of Stupid was that which covered the fact that so many people I know from childhood peaked during high school and have done little if anything to improve over the past two decades. I’m glad that I moved for college, even if it was only 100 miles down the road, because it gave me a chance to turn the page and start a new chapter in life. Before unfriending me on Facebook, someone I knew from high school who had never left Des Moines wrote a post complaining about how things had changed so much since 2001 that it didn’t feel like home. It must be horrible seeing your bubble collapse around you, all the while unable to forge your own path forward.
This isn’t to say I don’t look back fondly on some parts of my high school experience. I had a blast broadcasting on KWDM and enjoyed band trips. I have fond memories from senior year. However, undergrad was way more fun than high school, and grad school was even better. If each stage of your life isn’t better than the last, you aren’t doing it right. Over time, you are able to find and refine your tribe – I really didn’t start to find my tribe until sophomore year of undergrad and dialed it in junior and senior year! To this day, I still communicate with more people from undergrad and grad school than I do people from high school.
Things do get better over time, even if things seem impossible now. One of the great things about teaching undergrads is that they keep me feeling younger than my 40 years would suggest. I don’t know why the other faculty don’t want to deal with undergrads – sure, they can be a handful and require extra care at times, but I feel like the 16 months I’ve spent shepherding this herd of sharks has been the best chapter of my life so far. If you find something you love doing that also makes you money, you’ve found life’s loophole. Between Cider Finder and the Undergraduate Incubator, I’ve found two loopholes. I get to travel, change lives, build community, and make the world a better place in a completely different way than I thought I would even just a few years ago (and much different than I thought a couple of decades ago.)
This post seems like more of a rambling mess than most of my posts do. Maybe it’s because my 40 years have been a bit of a rambling mess. I mean, I’ve done all of the right things in the correct order, so maybe it’s not as messy as it looks. I certainly won’t win any awards – it’s not like they give out honors to people just for existing.
I think the main point here is what I stated earlier – every person’s journey is going to take a different path from every other person’s journey. Now that I’ve reached middle age and my journey is halfway complete, it’s nice to pause and reflect on what’s been built. I know that I still have a long way to go, but I’m armed with a lot of knowledge that I didn’t have leading up to this point. I’ve been able to gain closure in some areas and open a lot of doors, especially in the last four years.
I intend to continue winning as I move into the second half of life’s game. Even as the world continues to burn around us, I will keep building awesome stuff and teaching and encouraging others to do the same.